Patricia's Blog

What type of love do your children feel from you?

Do your children feel conditional or unconditional love from you?

This quote from Suzi Tucker explaining the impact we have on our children really hit home.

“If our children look to us with the sense that they have to do something for us, to be someone for us, their landscape of possibility is narrowed.”

Children see so much more than what we think they see. They will often take on roles or behaviors to learn how to cope with what they see. These coping systems give them a sense of safety, love and belonging in the family system. But this is conditional love.

  • If they see you sad, they try and make you feel better.
  • If they see you get angry because they did not do it right, they strive to be perfect.
  • If they only hear praise when they do something well, they strive to be perfect.
  • If they see you are emotionally absent, they learn they can only rely on themselves.
  • If the family does not talk about their feelings, they learn they can only rely on themselves.

The list goes on.

This comes at great personal cost to our children, to their self esteem, coping mechanisms, resilience, etc. These issues follow them throughout life.

When our children grow up to become parents, the pattern is often repeated. It is hard to give what you do not know.

The more we learn how to take care of our own needs and issues, the more you open the door to possibilities not only for you, but for your children and future generations.

This is where I come in. I help women connect the dots to a better understanding of their emotional needs so they feel safe to give themselves permission to start taking care of their own needs. Do you need support? You can contact me here to chat.