Patricia's Blog

Finding Purpose When Your Dream is Lost

I’m a planner….I like being a planner, it gives me a goal to focus on, sense of security and order in my life.  My plan was to have this great career (as soon as I could figure out what that would be), meet a wonderful man, get married, have children and live a fulfilling life while raising my family.

Part of my plan was to find a fulfilling career where I could work out of my home while I was raising my children…..all in all, my life plans were good so I thought.  Figuring out what to do with my life took longer than I thought but I finally figured that out.  Finding my wonderful man took much, much longer than anyone else I know and caused many freak outs as I was convinced I was doomed to spinsterhood, which is a story for another time.  Now should come the children, except that there aren’t any and there may not be any.

I always thought I would one day, somehow, become a parent, it was my destiny.  I met my man in my early 40’s.  A little older than most but I still thought I had time to have children…but that dream may no longer happen.

Everyone speaks about having children, but there is not a lot of conversation out there if you cannot have children.  It sounds like a no brainer – you cannot have children, end of story.  But there is a much bigger story here.  When your entire life plan was geared to go one way but that way no longer exists, then what are you left with?  Who are you and what do you stand for now?  Is my oh so carefully planned out stay at home career while raising children still relevant and if not, then what else?

This is just one scenario of how you can be derailed in life, but many of us experience these same feelings for all sorts of reasons…job loss, divorce, death to name a few.  It’s hard to talk about these feelings of pain and loss of identity….and others don’t know how to talk to you about it either.  Facing it and talking about it helps to find a new purpose though so let’s start talking.  When you release yourself from the confines of that one path and allow yourself to explore, a new path will eventually emerge.

I still have some small hope for my dream, but the reality of our situation is becoming clearer, easier to accept and is not quite so painful.  Where I only saw one road open to me, I now see a second road…’s not quite clear to me exactly what it looks like down that second road, but at least I can see that road and know that somehow, it will all be ok.